While making love, three things have to be remembered. One is: before you make love, meditate. Never make love without meditating, otherwise the love will remain sexual. Before you meet the woman you should rise higher in your consciousness because then the meeting will happen on a higher plane. For at least forty minutes sit looking at the wall with just a very dim light on so that it gives a mysteriousness.
Sit silently and don’t move the body; remain like a statue. Then when you make love, the body will move, so give it another extreme of first being unmoving so the body gathers momentum to move deeply. Then the urge becomes so vibrating that the whole body, every fibre is ready to have a movement. Then only tantric orgasm is possible. You can have some music on… classical music will do; something that gives a very subtle rhythm to the body.
Make the breathing as slow as possible because when you make love the breathing will go deep and fast. So just go on slowing down, but don’t force it, otherwise it will go fast. Simply suggest that it slows down.
Both meditate together and when you are both feeling meditative, that is the moment to love. Then you will never feel tension and energy will be flowing. If you are not feeling meditative, don’t make love. If meditation is not happening that day, forget all about love.
People do simply the opposite. Almost always couples fight before they make love. They become angry, nag each other and bring all sorts of conflict — and then they make love. They fall very low in their consciousnesses, so of course love cannot be very satisfying. It will be frustrating and you will feel a tension.
The second thing is: when you are making love, before you start, worship the partner and let the partner worship you. So after meditation, worship. Face each other totally naked and worship each other, because Tantra cannot be between man and woman. It can only be between a god and a goddess. It is a gesture, but very significant. The whole attitude has to become sublime so that you disappear. Touch each other’s feet, put garlands of flowers there.
The man becomes transformed into Shiva and the woman is transformed into Shakti. Now your humanity is irrelevant, your form is irrelevant, your name is irrelevant; you are just pure energy. Worship brings that energy into focus. And don’t pretend. The worship has to be true. It cannot be just a ritual, otherwise you will miss. Tantra is not a ritual. There is much ritual in it, but Tantra is not ritual.
You can repeat the ritual. You can bow down to her feet and touch them; that won’t help. Let it be a deeply meaningful gesture. Really look at her. She is no more your wife, no more your girlfriend, no more woman, no more body, but a configuration of energy. Let her first become divine, then make love to her. Then love will change its quality. It will become divine. That’s the whole methodology of Tantra.
Then in the third step you make love. But let your making love be more like a happening than like a making. The english expression ‘making love’ is ugly. How can you make love? It is not something like doing; it is not an action. It is a state. You can be in it but you cannot make it. You can move in it but you cannot do it. You can be loving but you cannot manipulate it. The whole western mind tries to manipulate everything.
Even if the western mind comes to find God someday, God will be in trouble. They will harness Him in some way or other, manipulate Him. They will put Him to some use, some utilitarian purpose. Even love has become a sort of doing. No.
When you make love, be possessed. Move slowly, touch each other’s bodies; play with each other’s bodies. The body is like a musical instrument. Don’t be in a hurry. Let things grow. If you move slowly, suddenly both your energies will rise together, as if something has possessed you. It will happen instantly and simultaneously together. Then only Tantra is possible. Move now into love.